Working in the customer service industry is one of the most challenging and most rewarding experiences. While I’ve had a lot of different roles throughout my career — from education to pastoral ministry to software and technology — they’ve all had this thread of customer service. I have always had jobs where my role was to serve others in some fashion. And part of serving others is making sure that there is some level of satisfaction.

It all started about 31 years ago when I got my first “real job” after graduating from college with my bachelor’s degree in education. Within a matter of a few weeks, as a 23-year-old naive Midwestern farm boy, I had my first round of parent teacher conferences. Quickly, I came face to face with the reality that some people (aka parents) didn’t appreciate the work that I was doing. And somehow, the poor grade “I had given their child” was somehow due to a failure on my part — never the result of poor discipline on their child’s part. Welcome to adulthood. Welcome to People 101. Welcome to Customer Service.

Fast forward a few years when very similar scenarios played out in my pastoral role in the church. As a worship pastor, the music was too loud, not loud enough. Too fast, too slow. Too short, too long. Too new, too old. You get the idea.

People 201 was just as difficult as 101 was. The only difference was that these people’s criticism was now cloaked in the name of Jesus, The Gospel, Kindgom Work, and all those other words that good Christians like to throw around to make you feel bad. Or better yet, get you to change to see it their way.

As of about 8 months ago, I’m back working for a SaaS company (software as a service) in the faith-based market, so I get to see all of these world collide as I lead an implementation team in what we’re now calling Customer Success. Over the last 31 years, in all of these roles, I’ve learned that people are pretty much the same. The only difference is I now have enough stories accumulated that I could write a book … or two … probably more like three or four.

Which brings me to today. This week I had a conversation with one of the customers that I’ve been working with over the last few months. They’ve experienced a lot of things in those few short months including the loss of their key leader that kicked off the project with me, the closing of one of their campuses, and now a few new staff members that have a lot of new and fresh ideas that they suddenly feel will suddenly make everything better. In the midst of all of this, they’re transitioning to an entirely new giving and engagement platform that I’m helping them implement. Painless, right?

As we were chatting on the phone this week, this woman apologized for all the grief they’ve caused, the challenges they’ve presented, and the back and forth difficulties we’ve had working together. They’ve pushed hard against a few of the things that I’ve asked them to do. They didn’t like all of them. Some of them were painful. They spent some time kicking and screaming. And kicking some more. This week, she apologized for that.

The apology wasn’t necessary. Difficult conversations and painful transitions are part of projects like this. And it’s my job to navigate this with our customers while not taking it personally. Even in the midst of all of this, I realized that I truly loved working with them … alongside them. And it is because of one simple thing. Kindness.

It’s through times like these that I’ve been able to learn some very valuable. In all of my various roles, I’ve been able to work through a lot of difficult situations. And some of those were really hard, challenging, and self defeating. Others of them were equally as hard; but, in the end, ended up being life-giving and productive. And there was one key difference between the two. Some people are kind. And some people are not.

I can work through the emotions and difficulties of hard and challenging situations. When people are kind. You can be brutally honest and tell me hard things. You can tell me where my company or my church or my school have missed the target … even if it may not be entirely true … or completely true.

But if you are kind, I can receive it. Not only can I receive it … but also, I can learn from it. And grow … and become better. Even if it’s hard. Even when I may not be able to change those things. But kindness, makes it possible.

The reality is we live in a world where people no longer know how to be kind. In the name of truth, honesty, fairness … whatever it is, we believe that we can be mean and that’s ok. Meanness is never ok. We must learn to be kinder people. One of my favorite quotes from Brene Brown is, “Clear is kind.”

Kindness doesn’t translate into watered-down mediocrity. Kindness translates into honesty and integrity. Yet, it also means that we truly care about the individual on the other side of the message. And because of that, we communicate in a humane, caring way in order to maintain the dignity and respect of the other person.

People … we need to re-learn the discipline of kindness. If we will, the world will be a different place … a better place in which we can live and grow.