This week, I celebrated my 57th birthday.

I have to say—birthdays have grown on me. I enjoy them now more than ever. My 50s have easily been my favorite decade, and each year seems to get a little better than the one before.

For this birthday, I told my wife all I wanted was a small party at our home. It had been a while since we’d hosted people, and I was craving the warmth of meaningful connection in the safety and comfort of our own space. The evening was exactly what I hoped for—beautiful people gathered around a beautiful table, laughter and conversation flowing as easily as the food and drink.

After dinner, as dessert was served, one of our friends suggested something unexpected:

“Let’s go around the table and share our favorite thing about Jon.”

As an Enneagram Two, I both loved and hated the idea. My soul craves affirmation, yet I feel the embarrassment of having the spotlight turned on me. But as each person shared, I heard some of the kindest, most thoughtful, and deeply meaningful words spoken over me in a long time. The next day, I took a few minutes to write those words down—precious memories I didn’t want to lose.

When Words Build and When They Break

While enjoying a beautiful Saturday in the PNW with the top down on the MINI Cooper, I kept thinking about those words. How powerful they were. How they filled my heart. And, in contrast, how painful it is when those kinds of words are absent—or worse, replaced by criticism, accusation, judgment, or assumption.

I was reminded of a quote from Bill Johnson:

“If you don’t live by the praises of men, you won’t die by their criticisms.”

It’s true. If we let the opinions of others define us—good or bad—we’ll be tossed around like a leaf in the wind. Their words can inspire or crush us, but they should never determine who we are.

Three Things I’m Reminded Of

1. Words Matter

Proverbs 18:21 tells us, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Our words can breathe life into someone’s spirit—or cut them down to the core. They can build courage, hope, and confidence—or sow doubt, fear, and shame. Every word we speak plants something in the heart of another. The question is: what kind of harvest will it produce?

2. Words Don’t Define Us

As much as I treasure the affirmations I heard from my friends, my worth isn’t determined by human opinion. My value is defined by my Creator, not by public applause or private critique. When I live the life God designed for me, others may see it and affirm it—but they are not the source of my identity. God is.

3. Character Is What Lasts

More than anything, how we live matters. Day after day, we plant seeds of character—whether or not anyone notices. I’ve gone through seasons where affirmation was rare and doubt was constant. But I’ve learned this: if your direction is guided by the applause (or the criticism) of others, you’ll eventually drift off course. True north is found in integrity, not popularity. Leaders who chase the approval of the masses eventually lose both their way and their influence.

Live with eternity in mind. Let your character—not the shifting winds of opinion—determine your path.

A Final Thought

I’ll hold on to the kind words my friends shared this week. They were a gift, a reminder that God’s work in us often shows more than we realize. But I’ll also remember that my ultimate affirmation comes from the One who created me, called me, and knows me completely.

Words matter. But they aren’t the whole story.

Character matters more.