The Power of a Great Question

My youngest daughter is the master of asking questions. I often find that she uses it to make conversation when she doesn’t know what else to talk about. At times, it can become annoying; however, at other times, it can be a great way for us to share our stories. She likes to ask about when her mom and I met, when we adopted her, and when I was a young child myself. We learn a lot about each other when we embrace the questions.

I am learning that asking great questions is a powerful tool. I have a friend, Brock Meyer, who I consider to be a master at asking questions. I can remember several lunch meetings with Brock where he pelted me with question after question about life, family, marriage, and ministry. He usually came with a notebook and would frequently write in it. Before we would meet, I knew that he had spent time (ahead of time) thinking about what questions to ask. I would reflect back on our meetings and realized that I did most of the talking. Brock did most of the listening. This is because at the core, he is a learner. And he approaches every person as a valuable source of knowledge.

Honestly, I wish I was as good at asking questions as Samara and Brock. While I typically refrain from New Year’s resolutions, I think this would be a good one for all of us — to resolve to ask more questions. So I have begun to ask myself, “Why ask questions?”

Questions indicate you are more interested in the other person than yourself.

You have probably been in conversations similar to what I described. You find that are spending the entire time talking about yourself while the other person listens (or at least appears to be).  Asking questions will force us to care more about someone else’s story than our own. It will force us to think about what could be interesting about the other person. It will require us to think ahead of time and not just “show up.”

Questions will cause us to learn.

Talking all the time only demonstrates what we already know. However, listening requires us to learn something knew. The most unlikely person has a story from which we can learn. Even other’s failures can become a great teacher. I think all of us would be surprised how much we could learn if we were to ask more questions.

Questions remind us that we don’t have all the answers and might even be . . .  WRONG!

Often times we can begin to believe that all of the knowledge we’ve gained over the years now qualifies us to be an expert on a particular subject. We usually equate “being an expert” with “having all the answers.” The truth is we are always learning. I was recently reminded of a TED talk that I watched a few years ago by Kathryn Schultz. The premise is that most of us avoid being wrong because we don’t like that feeling. Asking questions reminds us that we don’t have the answers, and if we think that we do, we are likely wrong. The possibility of being wrong is an attitude that promotes true learning.

So . . . as we enter this new year, I want to get better at asking questions. I want to listen more. To help get the discussion going, what are your favorite questions to ask that spark a great conversation?